oh my god, this is so me

17 Dec

I was at perusing the stacks at Kramers today and came across the book version of the blog Stuff White People Like. While reading many of the entries to RZ, I must have said ‘oh my god, this is so me’ every other sentence. Here are some of the highlights:

#54. Kitchen gadgets: “But, in order for them to truly enter into whitedom, they need to own the holy grail of white kitchens – the kitchen aid stand mixer (right). They will match this mixer to their kitchen’s color scheme and it will make up the focal point. And much like many religious artifacts, it will remain untouched for months and even years, sitting on the counter to be admired as a testament to their lifestyle.”

You may recall that I received a Kitchenaid stand mixer for my birthday this year. I rationalized it by the fact that I am not engaged, and therefore will not be registering in the near future, I love to bake, and they are really cute. Ok so the last one kind of fits the bill. But mine (it’s yellow!) is totes ador and I swear I actually use it.

#81.  Graduate school: “Being in graduate school satisfies many white requirements for happiness. They can believe they are helping the world, complain that the government/university doesn’t support them enough, claim they are poor, feel as though are getting smarter, act superior to other people, enjoy perpetual three day weekends, and sleep in every day of the week.”

I have four day weekends and do not sleep in. And the getting smarter part is still under investigation.

#46. The Sunday New York Times: “A perfect white sunday generally works like this. Wake up at around 8:45, if the paper is delivered, then one walks to the front door, retrieves the paper and begins a pot of coffee. If the paper is not delivered, a white person will go out and usually buy the supplies needed for breakfast – bagels, orange juice, lox, cream cheese, or waffle mix. Some white people even pick up freshly brewed coffee.”

Yes, that is my idea of a perfect Sunday morning. I also enjoy scouring the wedding pages for people I know. So far, I’ve got about a 1 in 8 week average of knowing someone. And my definition of “knowing someone” is close to Facebook’s idea of friendship. I got excited when a camp friend’s, who I have not spoken to in 10 years, sister was in it.

#5. Farmers markets: “White people like Farmers Markets for a number of reasons. The first is their undying need to support local economies (see future post), and the idea of buying direct from the farmer helps them assuage the fears instilled in them from reading Fast Food Nation (and yes, every white person has read this book).”

Perfect activity for right after reading the Sunday NYT.

#12. Non-profit organizations: “They like working there for a number of reasons, the most important of which is that it gives them a sense of self importance.  This is important so that they can tell their friends and parents that they are “helping” society, and not just working to make money.”

However, self importance is easily worn down by being over-worked and under-paid.

#38. Arrested Development: “They love it for a number of reasons. Firstly, since the show was cancelled before it jumped the shark, it’s effectively like a rocker that dies at 27. Also, the show got terrible ratings, meaning that it wasn’t ‘mainstream,’ which makes white people love it unilaterally. Other examples of shows like this are Twin Peaks and The Ben Stiller Show.”

Henry got me hooked last year, so the fact that I didn’t help boost their ratings probably makes me unqualified for this one. But I still love it.

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